Jessica was a bubbly kid who would entertain a nation with her witty humour and people around her told her she would be on stage as a comedian as she was so bubbly and full of life. But unfortunately that was all about to change. Her first memory of feeling completely off as she call's it came when she was around seven year's old.She remember's feeling all shaky because of school and was afraid because she did not excel very well at that subject.She dreaded maths so much she developed fear and panic .She tell's me her first major panic attack came at the age of seven and a half.

The only way she could describe it was a feeling off thinking she was about to die and her arms and legs felt as if they were going to collapse .She felt at the age of seven and a half that she was ''Going Mad '' and was too ashamed to tell anyone. From then it was all downhill .The fear and panic started to escalate into every area of her life. As a coping mechanism she had rituals .She would pray for it to go away .And when she told me she started to cry as when she started praying her thought's became blasphemous. It scared her so much that she thought God would punish her.

She had other ritual's to help her cope even though the ritual's were not satisfying her .If anything they made her anxiety a lot worse.She would kick stone's on the road and if they did not go in the right direction she would have to go back and kick another one until it went in the right direction and to ease her anxiety in the moment .That particular ritual in it'self could last up to ten minutes only to be replace by another half an hour later.She would try not to step on certain crack's on pavement's because if she did she would have to go back and unclear it in her word's ' In her mind. Jessica's life was not about to get any better . She nearly drowned in a pond when she was eight but was saved in time. The fright she got only added to her anxieties ongoing.She coped as best she could but the terrible ''Imp of the mind '' as she called it ' Would not go away no matter what she did.

In a distressed state she tell's me she attempted suicide three time's over her feeling's at the age of 8 to 11 but survived them all. Not once did a doctor ask her what was wrong which she waited on but was too afraid to tell them herself. She continue's to talk about a part of her really looking forward to going to secondary school .She got through the first few month's okay as she called it but then she was bullied by older student's for two full year's .She isolated herself completely and could hardly eat.

Her ritual's got worse and she developed contamination issue's .They stemmed from washing her hand's up to one hundred time's a day .To washing her uniform everyday .She told me she would wash it at night when everyone was in bed and hang it on the radiator to dry. Most morning's it was still soaking wet and she would wear it anyway. She could not make any sense to why she was behaving like this no matter how hard.Back in those day's there was no internet or book's or never a mention of people with this problem she say's. Jessica feared so much going to school after the bullying that she decided to leave it after her inter cert and took up an apprenticeship .

She was happy at that but the '' Imp of the mind was never to far away...Always lurking in the background. Jessica say's to me even though some circumstances in life did not help the way she was. She was convinced they were only triggering what was lurking in her emotion's. When Jessica was in her teen's thing's did not get any better.

Even though the Ritual's had stopped for a short time she developed obsession's in the mind.They ranged from obsessing about trivial matter's for hour's on end which in turn made her feel even more tormented.At this stage she still could not talk to anyone out of pure shame and people thinking she was crazy. When Jessica was nineteen she got pregnant. Post natal depression really added to the stress and in turn made her even more isolated.She got treatment for the depression but was still to ashamed to tell anyone what was going on. Her depression lifted but the fear and anxiety was still very strong.Any small thing would set of sheer terror in her.She called them trigger's .Her way of coping was to obsess on something or clean the house for hours on end.

Sometimes she would spend eight hours cleaning her home only to wake up at 3 AM to start cleaning again. Jessica tell's me the torment she felt at the time she was the only person in the world going through it.The tear's rolling down her eyes. She goes on to tell me that a few year's later'' That out of the blue and this was the straw that broke the camel's back that she got a thought in her head and she got many that frightened her'' This one thought was where the page turned '' So to speak.She got a thought in her head one day that she was going to do some harm but she could not internalize what harm she was going to do but it frightened her that much she attempted suicide but yet again came through it.

She was totally overwhelmed by the years of suffering in silence she took the plunge and decided to see a Psychologist. Over three session's the Psychologist told her she had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder .(OCD).Jessica say's the relief was enormous even though she still was going through it.

There was a name for it .Over the course of weekly session's with a Psychologist she was a lot lot better. She say's even though she is not fully cured she has it in check and is aware when it is happening.Jessica say's there is not enough research done on this illness and is hoping some day scientist's will with the right financial support and raising awareness that a cure will be found someday. Even though Jessica came through a lifetime of torment she say's what did not kill her made her stronger.She is now a very successful Business woman and Team Leader.

I thank Jessica for her story and wish her all the best. What Jessica has been experiencing is a condition called OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.I my'self am not a medical doctor but I have researched this tormenting condition and what I have found is: Anyone can develop this illness normally starting in childhood and escalating into adulthood. With the right intervention it can be controlled .I decided to write this note as it came from a person that has gone through it and was willing to share her story.